streamlining

I know I’m not supposed to start my day like this. I am obviously not amused at how things are going every morning, but I’m told to just keep mum about it. It ain’t easy y’know. It’s hard keeping things to yourself, when your emotions are on the line. What do you get when you don’t let them out? Stress. So I could say I’m stressed out thinking of what I should do and what I shouldn’t do. The only thing that bothers me is the best thing I learned from Economics class: OPPORTUNITY COST. There are a lot of things you have to consider before making a decision, whether it be minor or life-altering. It basically explains the idea that not all things can be yours, and you can’t have everything you want.  

I’m doing it out of respect, but sometimes, I easily lose whatever patience I have. Well, I have reasons why I act or talk that way. But then, doesn’t that return to me being the loser? So that’s one of the hardest things I’m dealing with now. 

Just recently, I thought that I want to become a metaphysicist. Go, disown me, Philippines. If only a few people appreciate Metaphysics here, I won’t have second thoughts in going to other countries where Philosophy is a big deal. I simply want people to know what they should know. Though my course is a communication-related course, I might as well use it. What I really need is professional tutelage- from the basics to the complexities. 

If you find yourself still reading up to this part, thank you. I’m not thinking of ending this post yet. 

Knowing the things you don’t want and not knowing what you really want. That’s plain and simple, yet in our lives, it’s hard when we’re in a tough situation and we have no idea of what we really need. Honestly….another dilemma. I know other people have their own share of difficulties. It just so happened that I have a background, so the way I deal with my problems are either logical or figurative. 

I want to become an artist again. During the past couple of years, what people have seen was Hydee the student, Hydee the blogger, Hydee the fangirl, Hydee the parapsychologist-hopeful and probably the most famous, Hydee the misfit. As Hydee the fangirl went on hiatus two months ago, enter Hydee the metaphysicist-aspirer. As she’s nearing the 20th year mark, she has thought of venturing deeper into the complexities of the universe. The knotiness. The tortuousness. That is why I think that part of my mission is to get to know myriad of microhistories. If you’re interested, tell me yours. I’ll wait for the return of Hydee the artist. Anything is inspiring, except boys. Hydee the writer is a wraith that visits the blogosphere only when urged by visual stimulants and deadly plotbunnies.The muses are boys this time. XDDDD

I chose the right parents. If my choice wasn’t good enough, I won’t end up thinking like this. They brought me up very well. I want to tell them that I love them so much, because they made Hydee this way. Hydee can’t easily commit herself to one person, nor she could extend a different kind of affection for one person- Hydee is for everyone. I know the things I moght be possibly devoid of. Not really  To quote St.Aloysius Gonzaga (I haven’t completely forgotten the Catholic values!) “I was born for greater things.”, and those things aren’t necessarily fame or fortune-centric unless those things are what I really need to force urge people to beome more aware of their inner selves. That’s my way of taking the first step to that long road leading to peace. It’s a long road, I know, but we all should start with baby steps. I don’t want to be alone in this. Take part or die being eaten alive by bloodworms.

Life isn’t always a Disney fairy tale. I admit that my life is a champloo of your usual Stephen King classic and a trippy Tarantino flick, or a premise of  Murakami-meets-Dan Brown, and that’s just it. The drama is sometimes gritty, interrupted by a somewhat malapropos insert song by a boyband. XD Then, after the resolution, the end credits roll while the theme song by Mr.Children plays on. 

Let there be a laugh trip.